2003-07-01 8:32 p.m.
Mysteries Of The Universe: Meat Eaters and Vegetarianism
What is it about eating vegetarian that so many meat eaters seem to have a hard time with?
To my mind, it's really, really simple. If someone says they're vegetarian, then most likely they don't eat meat. "Meat" usually means beef, pork, lamb, poultry and fish, and things made out of beef, pork, lamb, poultry and fish. Pretty straightforward, no? (OK, vegans can be a little confusing, but I've never met a vegan who's shy about explaining it.) But it seems that people approach the idea in one of two ways: they're either completely befuddled by it or refuse, either consciously or passively, to accomodate it.
I've had roughly the same conversation with my mother every November for the past five years, when she starts wigging out about Thanksgiving and Christmas. She asks what I eat, apparently anticipating some incredibly obscure and esoteric requests, like special holiday tofu sculptures with tiny sprout bouquets or something, and I tell her, "I eat pretty much the same things you do, only without meat. Yes, mashed potatoes are ok. Yes, creamed onions are no problem. Yes, stuffing's great, if it doesn't have chicken stock. No, grilled vegetables are fine. No, I won't starve. Really, Mom. Really." If I really wanted special holiday tofu sculptures with tiny sprout bouquets, she'd make a go of it and try to make them for me, bless her heart. But given that she's spent her entire life in California, it still surprises me just how hard it is for her to wrap her brain around the vegetarian thing.
Now, for the ones who just don't care: I try really, really hard not to be a princess about the food I'm served. I recognize that I'm the exception most of the time and try not to make things complicated. If I'm invited to someone's home, I'll give them a heads-up about the vegetarian thing when they invite me, making it clear that they should go to as little trouble as possible to fit me in, and I'll eat what I'm served without complaint. Similarly, when I go to nice restaurants with the family, there's usually exactly one vegetarian thing on the menu, and whatever it is, I'll eat it. I try not to special order things, but when I do, I think about what's involved in making the dish and order accordingly. Primavera without shrimp? Fine. Lasagne without ground beef? Lame to even ask.
What really chaps my ass, though, is when I go out to eat, specifically ask the server if there's meat in something, they tell me no, I go ahead and order it, and it has meat when I get it. This tends to happen most frequently when I go out to lunch at work, which sometimes puts me in the position of either delaying other people or going without lunch at all.
That bacon on my "mushroom" pizza? That'd be meat, and being surrounded by mushrooms and spinach doesn't make it any less meaty.
The chicken stock you put in the cream sauce on my pasta? You told me there wasn't any, when I specifically asked about stock in the sauce. If you'd answered my question honestly in the first place, I'd have ordered something else. Instead, I had to send it back (wasting your time and the restaurant's money) and got to watch everyone else eat while I waited for my food.
"Please leave the chicken off my salad" means "please leave the chicken off my salad," not "sprinkle bits of chicken over the top anyway and hope I don't notice." I'll notice.
Is it that they think it's too much trouble to not reach for the bowl of chicken chunks and they're hoping I won't say anything? (I know kitchens are usually rushed and special requests can throw off their rhythm, but this would be easier to take if the servers were the least bit apologetic, and often they're not.)
Do they think that I come in and order meatless expressly to make their lives difficult? (Believe me, it's more trouble for me than it is for you, fair waitperson, though admittedly I have more motiviation.) Or that I'm passing judgement on their own eating habits? (I'm not; even if I were inclined to, how would I know what their eating habits were, anyway?)
Do they think that the meat-eaters at the table will think it's fine that they're getting back late to work too because I had to return my lunch, since after all it's completely unreasonable of me not to eat meat? Is it that they're oblivious to the ingredients in the food they serve? Bitter? Lazy? Trying to convert me from my heathen non-meat-eating ways? Had a vegetarian mother or ex-boyfriend and they're taking their issues out on me?
Confusion I understand, sort of. The rest I just don't get.