11-03-2004 16:50
Election Letters
Dear Bush Voters Who Make Less than $300,000 A Year:
WHY?
Love,
Confused Magpie In A Blue State
Dear 18-24 Year Olds:
Where the hell were you yesterday?
Don't tell me you were at the polls. Only 37% of you showed up -- fewer than 1 in 10 of all voters yesterday -- when turnout overall was around 60%.
"But politicians don't take us seriously!" you say. "Youth vote campaigns are condescending and lame."
Oh, waaah.
Look, you don't get to be taken seriously just by virtue of being your special little selves, despite whatever self-esteem-boosting crap you were fed in grade school. You get to be taken seriously, politically speaking, by actually paying attention between elections and by raising hell whenever an issue important to you comes up.
Take the draft, for instance. The House bill was shot down, but the Senate bill is still in committee. Has it gone there to die or will it be revived? No clue. But twenty-five senators are on the Armed Forces committee and a twenty-sixth sponsored the bill -- and no two of them are from the same state. So odds are that one of these people is supposed to represent you, draft-age voter.
Did you write a letter to your senators, your representatives or your local paper expressing your opposition to the draft? (It's not a stretch to assume you're against the draft -- 78% of you told MTV you're opposed to a draft and 29% of you say that if you were drafted, you wouldn't go.) Did you give your time or money (time, more likely, because chances are you're broke-ass broke) to organizations that are fighting the draft? If you couldn't find a suitable organization, did you start one? The Internet makes it easier and cheaper than ever before to do so.
I found the links in the above paragraphs in about 10 or 15 minutes of web searching. You probably spend more time than that in a day downloading MP3s or looking at porn. And I'm not even affected by this issue. TheBoy and Sweetcheeks are above draft age and the future Mrs. Sweetcheeks (no, she's not off the hook -- the Senate bill includes drafting women, too) will be clear in a few months. Your ass could be going to Iraq, so isn't it worth a little of your time to object?
Ever wonder why it is that we're always hearing about Social Security and Medicare and prescription drug coverage? It's because your grandparents are vocal and mobilized, not because our representatives have any great respect for the old. Learn by example. Don't wait for the politicians to give you respect -- go out and take it.
Love,
Magpie
Dear 18-24 Year Olds Who Actually Did Vote:
Go find one who didn't and cuff them upside the head for me.
Ahhh... didn't that feel good?
Vengefully yours,
Magpie
Dear Fellow Kerry Voters:
OK, now what?
We all need a few days to mourn and/or be really, really pissed off, but after Friday or so, can we all agree to take all of the following off the table as viable, long-term options:
- Curling up in a little ball and whimpering
- Planning that long-anticipated move to Canada
- Talking about how stupid and/or ill-informed Bush voters are
- Vowing never to be engaged in the political process again
- Drawing up battle plans to nuke the red states
Let's try not to give up hope altogether. After all, the entire House is up for re-election in 2006, and payback is gonna be a bitch.
Trying really, REALLY hard to keep her chin up,
Magpie