2004-08-25 13:21
Gnomecoming
Last night TheBoy went to take out the garbage and found an ominous-looking box on the back doorstep.
It was a UPS box. It had holes in it. And it was marked "Caution: Live Animals."
The hell?
As TheBoy jumped back about 20 feet, I shooed TheCat back into the house and tried to get the back door as closed as I could without actually standing any closer to the box. Then we stood there, alternately staring at the box and each other, uncertain what to do next.
I went over to the neighbors' and asked them if they'd seen who'd delivered the box. They'd been out all night and seen nothing.
So we went back to the box, TheBoy standing way back while I nudged it with a broom handle.
"Hmm. Feels light. Did you see the box move when I poked it?"
"No. Wait, what's that on the label?"
The box was from a camera store near Mayberry. Finally, we started to catch on.
TheBoy bravely opened the box to find my garden gnomes, who had gone AWOL shortly after the housewarming and who hadn't called or written. One of them was sporting a tiny backpack, in which we found some airline peanuts. Along with them was a book of photos and a note explaining that the gnomes would have been home sooner, only they were spent a few weeks in a place called a "trunk" due to a sudden, unexpected valve job.
The gnomes went on their first flight (well, outside of a cardboard box, anyway) and got to hang out in the cockpit of a 737. They went to a swing dance weekend, played the piano and danced with lots of pretty women in retro clothes. They got to do something in a lab involving glowing crystals (I'll have to ask my friend Mad Scientist what they were up to -- not that he'd admit to having anything to do with it, as he'd likely disavow all knowledge of swing dance weekends and camera stores near Mayberry, but strictly as a science resource). They visited a garden and macked on the local statuary.
In short, if I were not about to leave on a vacation of my own, I'd be stupefyingly jealous of all of the fun my little inanimate garden decorations had. (Yeah, I know I've never had any desire to go to Cleveland, but I'm just that hard up for a vacation.)
The gnomes are now back in their place of honor, a shady, leafy spot near their friends the pink flamingoes. Sweetcheeks thinks I should chain them up so they don't run away again, but who am I to restrain their little free spirits?
(Pictures forthcoming, though this might not happen until I get back.)