2003-04-19 6:38 p.m.
Letters, Oh I Write Letters
Dear Safety Coordinator at Work:
Now, I know you probably didn't have anything to do with this, but you are the go-to guy for emergency-related questions on our floor, and now that we have a new emergency plan, I just have to ask:
That route out of the building? The one that goes under an enormous skylight, under another enormous skylight, through a glass-fronted lobby and down the street to that parking lot right next to not one but two buildings made of some really sketchy-looking unreinforced masonry? Is this the same route we're supposed to take if there's an earthquake, too?
Love,
Magpie, who doesn't want to get clocked in the head by falling bricks
Dear Girl Scouts:
Normally around this time of year I'd have a few boxes of Thin Mints stashed in my freezer. This year, I managed not to buy any Thin Mints, even though TheBoy and I spent an entire afternoon looking for you guys at every grocery store in town. Now I could really use some. Can't you find an unsold box somewhere, somehow and help me out here? In 5 or 10 years I think you'll understand a little better, but meanwhile just take my word for it.
Love,
Magpie
Dear Mom:
If you wish to rouse my latent maternal urges, you're really going to have to start throwing a better class of kid in my path. Having TheBoy's friend come into town with an adorable, well-behaved little girl was a slick move, and you deserve some points for that one. But you really need to do something about the toddlers you keep having sit behind me at baseball games who keep kicking and kicking and kicking at the back of my seat. The kind of urge those kids bring out in me is the urge to rip their little shoes off and throw them off the second deck of the stadium, and that's not the direction I think you want things heading in. (Nor do the people in the first deck, I'm sure, because they don't want tiny shoes raining down on them.)
"Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day" is Thursday, Mom. Don't let this one be your Waterloo.
Love,
Your Daughter