2002-09-07 5:17 p.m.

Bug Collections Get More Respect Than This

These are called "People in a Jar." This is an actual gift item that is for sale in actual stores.

Help! Help! Let me out! Let me OUT!

Since you can't really read the little tags in the photo, here's what you're missing: Each is meant to represent a special person or people in your life: "friend," "grandparents" (the one with two little people stuffed in the same jar), "secretary", "boss", or any special person in your life who's three inches high and looks like a potato.

Each is imprisoned with a little snippet of doggerel about how great your coffee is, or how well you kiss boo-boos, and how you're so special to the giver that they decided to give you a little tiny replica of yourself, only doughier, and sealed in an airtight jar.

I looked all over the web but couldn't find any reference to who came up with this and why they thought this was a good idea. It's probably going to turn out that this is made at home by someone's Great-Aunt Francine, who lives in a trailer park outside of Arcata and who uses the income from People in a Jar to supplement her SSDI checks. And her relatives are going to send me nasty e-mail.

In that case, please ask her: Great-Aunt Francine, what were you thinking?? Couldn't you start a more respectable business instead?

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