2002-06-03 6:30 PM
Every Woman's Dream
The story of Christine Silvas, the Sunday-school-teacher-turned-stripper mom, and her conflict with her daughter's school, has been front-page news in the Bay Area. In case your local paper shirked its journalistic duty and didn't provide adequate coverage (*koff*) of this important story: a Sacramento-area mom who used to teach Sunday school claimed she took a job as a stripper to pay her daughter's tuition. The school, which is Christian and requires parents to sign a philosophy statement, didn't take kindly to this and expelled her kid. After much hue and cry, they let her daughter back in -- and then Mom flew to Chicago to pose for Playboy.
Silvas told playboy.com that while she'd agreed to stop stripping, she hadn't agreed not to pose for Playboy. (I double-checked and the story confirmed that despite the rhetorical methods Silvas uses, it was in fact Silvas' daughter and not Silvas herself who is the kindergartner.) She also said that she believed that "posing for Playboy is the American dream for a woman."
Clearly, snoozing through the Female 101 lessons in early adolescence has once again caused me to fall out of step with mainstream American female opinion. What other things, I wondered, are "every woman's dream" -- except for mine?
- The offices of Estee Lauder, who also gave the author of this article three
chicken recipes "to help me interest the man I hoped to marry (and I did)."
Did Henry
Ford do his visitors that kind of service? I think not.
- Lilian Vernon's advice for women business owners doesn't mention the part
about the swanky office. Maybe you're supposed to have one, yet never visit
it because you're working at home with the children.
- The Mondo 2000 boyfriend
remote (gotta love all of the buttons for "buy me things").
- The Jim Show,
"a high-energy, 60 minute performance that's edgy and entertaining without the
use of profanity or adult humor."
- A robot ring-bearer at a high-tech wedding, who remembered everyone's
names and "best of all, had an off button."
- Definition, whi
ch promises "all the shape without the bulk, in only 15 minutes a day!
And another definition
-- in this case, presumably the shape with the bulk.
- Let's not forget long,
healthy hair, courtesy of Femina Miss India 2002.
- "Darling" Daisy
Fresh Pantiliners. I think it's kind of sweet that the woman selling these
wanted to follow in her grandfather's footsteps of being an inventor (he's the
guy who put the holes in Life Savers), but I'm not sure that "pantiliners"
were really begging for innovation. (Incidentally, when did "panty liners"
become "pantiliners" anyway? Did someone think this sounded more chic?)
- Celebrities, of course! A pre-divorce Harrison Ford, as anointed by Anne
Heche, who wasn't telling anyone at the time that her dream was Ellen DeG
eneres; Javy Lopez (if he's really "every girl's dream," why is he only batting
.217?); and Ann-Margret, inspiration
to at least one drag queen.
- Speaking of celebrities, MTV encourages realistic ambitions in its young
female viewers: "Dating
a rock star is every girl's dream, but who's the right rocker for you?
Take the quiz and find out if you're looking for a hero or wishing a bad boy
was here with you." After you take the quiz they encourage you to "set up your
friend with a rock star" by forwarding her the quiz. MTV says my perfect
rock star match is Tom DeLonge of Blink 182 but it doesn't explain what I
should do about his wife. (Maybe they don't wish to be held liable.)
- Strangers entering your house when you're not home... and loading up your garage
with domestic goods.
- Tender Warrior, "a dramatic and compelling pic
ture of balanced manhood according to God's blueprint."
- Victor, one of three characters in Balls!, "the new comedy drama by Ming
Wong which will strike a chord with man and woman alike."
- A carriage
ride, "especially on her wedding day." Though is that supposed to be
with your groom, or with the guy that every woman dreams will interrupt
her wedding?