2004-03-27 9:18 a.m.
I've Seen Paradise, and Eden, You're No Paradise
Forever Eden, I've really been trying, but I just don't know if it's going to work out.
The potential was there, but you just haven't been able to reach the heights of craptastic delight that Paradise Hotel delivered.
Eleven shallow stupid "sexy" singles? Check.
Tropical resort? Check. Open bar? Check.
Rampant, indiscriminate, disease-laden sex? Check, check and check -- though most of it seems to be taking place off-camera. I ask you, Fox, where's the fun in that?
But Kent Weed and his minions have failed to deliver the goods. First off, there are the "shocking twists" that really aren't all that shocking, since they started in the first episode. They haven't given the viewers time to get to know and hate most of the "characters," and they haven't given the "characters" sufficient time to marinate in alcohol and get stir crazy from being isolated from the outside world. And the relationships on the show still seem completely random because the editors are clearly manipulating how they're presented. Manipulating the footage is fine, but only when it makes things more entertaining, not less.
There was one little glimmer of hope in this week's episode -- the editing of Jason, the knuckle-dragging Scottsdale bartender in the mold of Paradise's Zach. But instead of being the egomaniacal lunkhead that everybody on the show loves, he's the egomaniacal lunkhead that just thinks everyone loves him. Even the shallow tools of Eden have him pegged as a shallow tool. He has the potential to be an antihero for the criminally stupid, a Dave for the overmuscled. The conversation between Jason and Liz, another dimwit with an excessive estimation of her charms, where Jason declares that he and Liz have something in common because they are both obsessed with their bodies, was the first really entertaining moment of this show.
You have one more week, Eden. See what you can do.