2003-10-08 7:34 a.m.

Letters About (Mostly) Famous People

Dear SF Gate:

The Bay Area's landslide of "no" votes on the recall doesn't mean the Bay Area "supports Davis," as your headline on the front door said, it means we were "against the recall." Please learn the difference. I realize this means improving your "journalistic standards," but learning and trying new things can be an important part of your personal growth. Thank you.

Californishly,
Magpie

Dear The Rest of California:

Whyyyyyy? WHHHHYYYYYYYY?????? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE?????

With large fistfuls of hair,
Magpie

Dear Bill Clinton:

I got three calls from you this weekend. Didn't you take the hint when I hung up? Next election, don't be such a stalker.

Creeped out,
Magpie

Dear Robert Redford:

Please stop sending me letters in large, paper-wasting packets about your environmental charity. I'm hoping to become house poor very soon and your organization is not on the short list of places my last wad of disposable income will be going. (A blowout Sephora run is on that list, but that's between me and my conscience.)

With impeccable grooming,
Magpie

Dear Terence Long:

Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

From my couch (where I'm not watching playoff games right now),
Magpie

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