2003-03-29 10:46 p.m.
Even More Letters
Dear Willie Brown:
How horrible that most of the protesters are from "out of town," many from those remote outposts known as Oakland and Berkeley. Since Willie Brown feels so strongly that out-of-towners shouldn't be protesting in San Francisco, perhaps we ought to consider not working or shopping there either.
Love,
Magpie "Boondocks" Nest
He actually responded to this, pointing out that it's 2/3 of the arrested protesters that were from "out of town." This still doesn't mean his definition of "out of town" makes any sense other than on the strictest semantic level, so my point still stands.
Dear Boss' Boss' Boss:
While making decisions about the rumored upcoming layoffs, please keep in mind that I 0wnd this week. Gaze upon all the happy e-mail you saw from other managers about the stuff I finished this week. They're shiny! I'm shiny! Wouldn't you just die if I weren't part of your team any more?
Love,
Magpie
Dear Gillette:
A while ago I wrote about my bad experience with your "Orange Swirl" shave gel. I recently bought your "Satin Care" gel and am happy to report that it's not nasty. Just for future reference, here are some pointers on how to target your brand:
GOOD: Pleasant, subtle fruit scent.
BAD: Having the neighbors knock on my door to check that I wasn't
injured in the fruity explosion.
GOOD: Moisturizers.
BAD: "Skin loving" moisturizers. That's kinda creepy.
GOOD: Razors that don't leave nicks.
BAD: Referring to said razors as ones that "redefine the women's shaving
experience." Want to redefine the shaving experience? Load up the shave gels
with caffeine.
Your ever-helpful customer,
Magpie
Dear Google:
Yeahhhhh!! I'm #1! I'm #1!!!
Love,
Magpie (#1!!)