2003-03-18 8:59 p.m.
An Immodest Proposal to Stop the War in Iraq
OK, so Dubya has declared he's going to bomb the crap out of Iraq if Saddam doesn't step down, and Saddam has responded with "Bring it, bitch." The deadline is set for 8 PM tomorrow and word has it around the nation's newsrooms that the administration plans to start the killing at 8:01.
Why drag both countries' people into a war that, while it may or may not last long, will certainly be ugly and have repercussions for decades to come? Why trash the principles of diplomacy that the UN was created to support? Why not take the -- well, not gentlemanly approach, precisely, but one that cuts to the heart of the matter?
Pick a relatively neutral country -- say, one of the US's soon-to-be-former allies. Find a conference room, a couple of bodyguards, a handful of UN inspectors, and a ruler. (Metric will be more international in spirit.) Have Dubya and Saddam whip it out and the inspectors will measure. Whoever's smaller leaves office.
Because when it comes right down to it, isn't this what it's really about?