2002-12-08 11:19 p.m.

Babies, Babies Everywhere and Not A Grandchild to Spoil

"John," my mother announced over the phone on Saturday, "is getting married."

My dad's old college buddy and his wife were in town this week. John is the younger of their two sons. Their older son (about a year younger than I am) has been married for a while and has a few kids. John is their younger son, about a year older than my brother, making him about five years younger than I am, and making me way overdue for a ring in the eyes of my parents. Last time College Buddies were in town, they were extolling the virtues of grandkids, so I was prepared for something like this.

"Oh, that's nice," I said, pointedly not taking the hint. "What's his fiancee like?" She's "in computers," just like John (see? People in the computer industry get married!) and almost got sent back to China because she was laid off (see? People can lose their jobs and still get married!). Perhaps the threat of deportation is why they're getting married in New York in February; Mom's not clear on that.

But what Mom (and Dad, too) is clear on is that she wants grandchildren and neither of her kids are coming through. This started about 5 or 6 years ago, when Mom and Dad's parents started getting sick. It hit its peak around the time of Grandpa Dad's funeral, right after I had unloaded my most recent ex. I was in the car with Mom and Uncle Jesus, and Mom announced that I didn't need to be married to have a kid, that going and getting knocked up on my own was a-ok with them. I was a bit surprised to hear that coming out of Mom's mouth, but I was floored when Uncle Jesus chimed in his agreement. Apparently while I was off living in Austin I'd turned into the family hard case, with my lack of enthusiasm about marriage and children. (It's one of the reasons why if Grandpa Dad were still alive, we'd probably not be speaking.)

Sweetcheeks and Turtledove are more or less off the hook for the next few years, though of course if they did have a kid the folks would be thrilled to pieces. Sweetcheeks is the baby of the family, and he and Turtledove both finished college relatively recently. (Turtledove is a few years younger than Sweetcheeks, who's something of an educational late bloomer.) But I'm solidly into my 30s now, so I'm the one who "should" have had kids by now. So the parents are eagerly watching for signs of maternal instinct and trying to subtly encourage anything that they think might lead to babies. (Unfortunately for them, subtlety is not either one's strength.)

TheBoy and I went to chop down a Christmas tree with the parents today (S&T were indisposed) and they were fairly quivering with the strain of not stomping their feet and yelling, "You two! Grandchildren! Now!" With College Buddies having recently visited, I knew it was coming, and they knew I knew it was coming, though apparently they've been sufficiently trained by now not to actually demand grandkids outright. So I didn't need to resort to threats, which would be something along the lines of: On the off chance that I change my mind and suddenly develop a strong desire for children, you will not hear about it until an actual grandchild is on the way. And if you push it, I'll pull a Michael Jackson and present you your grandchild when he or she is 6 months old. "Oh, by the way, this is Magpie Nest Jr. No, Magpie Shiny Nest Jr. The other one's Magpie Leafy Nest Jr."

Now, Auntie Magpie -- that has a ring to it. Think I can talk Sweetcheeks and Turtledove into it?

join my Notify List and get email when I update my site:
email:
Powered by NotifyList.com