2005-07-17 9:39 p.m.

Highlights from the El Suburb Police Blotter, 6/29-7/10/05

Tuesday, June 28:
* PUBLIC INTOXICATION -- Police arrested a 24-year-old former El Suburb man (note importance of showing he's not law-abiding, therefore has moved somewhere else) on suspicion of public intoxication and for threatening two police officers at the T@rget parking lot.

Wednesday, June 29:
* SHOPLIFTING -- At 2 p.m., police arrested a man at Alberts0n's at El Suburb Center on suspicion of shoplifting $128 worth of merchandise. Police say the man had several previous convictions for petty theft as well as a warrant out of Stockton for his arrest.
(It's not exactly the same as out of Compton , is it?)

Monday, July 4:
* STOLEN PROPERTY -- Police arrested a 24-year-old Elsewhere man and an Elsewhere juvenile on suspicion of attempting to sell stolen property at Gu1tar Center at 2:30 p.m.

Tuesday, July 5:
* ATTEMPTED THEFT -- At 1 p.m. police arrested a 47-year-old Elsewhere man on suspicion of attempting to steal several cuts of meat, bottles of alcohol and personal items from Alberts0n's at El Suburb Center.
(What is it about that Alberts0n's, anyway? I don't even like to shop there, let alone pick it for my weekday afternoon shoplifting pleasure.)

* ASSAULT ARREST -- Shortly after 11:15 p.m., police responded to a report of a disturbance on the 700 block of Norvell Street. Following an investigation, police arrested a 46-year-old El Suburb man on suspicion of assault.
(This one's only noteworthy because of the 21 events listed in the blotter covering the past two weeks, this is the only one who features someone who actually lives here. Imagine how overrun we'd be with hoodlums from Elsewhere if anyone in the Bay Area actually knew where El Suburb was.)

Friday, July 8:
* ROBBERY ARREST -- At 9:20 a.m., police arrested a 45-year-old Elsewhere man at El Suburb Center on suspicion of a robbery a few minutes earlier at Mechan1cs Bank. Police say the man presented a demand note at the bank and showed a bullet in his mouth. (What did the note say -- "give me all your money or I'll spit?" Whatever it was, it apparently worked, because...) Police recovered the bullet as well as the cash the man allegedly took.

And they say nothing happens in the suburbs!


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