2002-09-23 9:26 p.m.
Garden Gnomes for the Buying Season
It's getting to be that time of year when I start looking for evil things to give my friends and relatives.
Yep, we're coming up on what retail folk rather crassly refer to as the "holiday buying season."
"But it's too soon!" you say. "I don't want to think about this! Are you going to start caroling at me or something, you sick pup?" But around this time of year, conversation around the parental dinner table turns to that weird thing we saw the other day and who needs to receive it as a Christmas gift. (What can I say -- my people are sick and organized.) And when you're at a faltering dot-com, and your source of income could be cut off at any moment, it's never too soon to start up with the shoppin'.
So right now I'm actively trolling the Net for odd gifts for my even odder relatives, and among other things, I've learned more than anyone ever needs to know about garden gnomes.
"Garden Gnomes," burbles one site, "are delightful Symbols of Hope, Luck, and Goodwill. Why buy plastic (resin) when you can have beautiful English Stoneware Pottery that will last generations, for your grandchildren to enjoy in their gardens."
Why indeed? one might ask. Because if you rule out resin gnomes, you will miss out on this.
Now that's something to hand down to the grandchildren. Preferably while you're still alive, so they have to do that squirmy, God-this-is-awful-but-must-humor-the-elders dance and smile big as they take it. After all, isn't that what family's all about?